When I had PPD with my middle child, this thought literally crossed my mind on a daily basis. We lived by a lake and I would think, “I could just drive my car into there and every one would just think it was an accident.” I never did obviously but the thought of ending the pain was there every time I drove past that lake.
There are a lot of days where I envision a bullet going through my brain and the pain seeping out of the hole that it leaves. Sometimes it’s a pretty comforting thought. I’d never do it though. I couldn’t do that to my kids. So I just keep trucking along and holding onto any good that I can find.