Because I have. Let me tell you a funny tale of how it went.
I had read rave reviews of this thing called a menstrual cup, also known as a Diva Cup. A lot of my online friends swear by them. I don’t have very heavy periods and pads are enough to contain my flow so it wasn’t something I really wanted to try.
My guy and I are kinda sorta trying for another kid. Not trying, not preventing as they say. If it happens, great. If it doesn’t, oh well. It’s taking a bit longer than the last time I tried to have a kid so I joined a trying to conceive message board.
It was suggested that, in order to keep the swimmers in there and going the right way, you should insert a menstrual cup after you do the deed. I figured it couldn’t hurt so I ordered one with the intention of only using it for that purpose.
So I’m at the point in my cycle when I’m most fertile (there, that’s something you know about me now). We got busy last night and afterwards I went to the bathroom to use my new cup. I put it in and left it in all night as suggested. They are allowed to be in for 12 hours so I wasn’t too concerned about it.
I did my research on how to get it in and make sure it was in the right way. Insertion was easy. I got it in no problem and it didn’t hurt like tampons so so I thought,
“Sweet. That was easy! Maybe I will use this while I’m on my period too!”
That will not be happening. And let me tell you why. I threw it in the trash once I finally got it out of my vagina!
Now, why would I throw a perfectly good cup away? Let me tell you why. This might get a bit graphic but you have my permission to laugh at my expense.
When I woke up this morning, I still couldn’t feel the thing in there but I was planning on taking it out. I relieve myself of my night time urine and then went to fish the thing out.
It’s up in there pretty good but I hear all you have to do is break the suction by inserting a finger around the rim of the top of it. Easy enough. I’ll just go ahead and reach a finger up in there.
I can’t get my finger in far enough to reach the top.
OK Jess, don’t freak out. It has the grip thingy on the bottom of it. I bet you just pull on that and it will come out.
It’s suctioned in there like a vacuum. I can hear the “slurp” as I’m trying to pull. The harder I pull the more suction I feel. Jesus Christ!
I try getting my finger in there again. For the love of God, how long is my vaginal opening?!? How did it get so far up there? How the hell am I going to get this out of me?
Will I have to ask my guy to do it? How can I explain this to him when he didn’t even know when or why I put it in? No, no, we’re getting this out on our own. I can’t face him.
I can’t keep it in! That will cause an ungodly infection. Plus I want to have sex. I like sex! Get it out now!
I’ve birthed babies. I’m going to try to push it out! Same hole right?
So I bore down the same way I did when birthing my 7 pound babies. Hard. With all my might. They all came out with about two pushes so why the hell will this thing not come out?
I’m near tears now.
Please God, get this out of me!
I keep pushing, this time with more might. Pulling and pushing, I finally get that thing out of me. SLURP! Oh, thank God!
“Simply put your finger around the lip to break the seal” my ass!
I promptly threw it in the trash next to the toilet. That thing isn’t going near my vaginal opening again! Only dildos or penises allowed!
Perhaps these diva cups come out of you better when they are filled with menstrual blood. That’s a chance I am not willing to take. I’m not doing that again, especially with period blood introduced into the mix.
It’s a “no” from me.