I find giving someone the silent treatment to be immature and childish. However, sometimes it is the only way to get your point across. Especially when it comes to those with narcissistic tendencies. Ask me how I know.
OK, you don’t have to ask because I’m going to tell you. I seem to attract the narcissists. I have no idea why. Perhaps because I am easy prey for them. I get sucked in somehow and find it hard to get away.
Trapped In The Web Of Narcissists
During my late 20s and early 30s, I was surrounded by them. I now refer to them as the “Trio of Narcissists” because there were 3 of them using me and breaking me to my limit.
See, I am the type of person who will take what you give her. Oh, I can put up with a lot of BS from people. I try very hard to see the good in people and try to give them many chances to redeem themselves if they do me wrong.
The thing about dealing with a narcissist is that they are very good at making you feel like the crazy one.
Like something is wrong with you. You’re too sensitive or you’re the one that has things to work on.
OK, that might all be true about me but that wasn’t the reason these people felt the need to take advantage of me. They did it because I let them. Because I was a pushover. I didn’t want to make waves.
Dealing with one of these people was hard enough. Imagine how hard it was to deal with 3 at the same time? They were all related to each other so I could run but I couldn’t hide.
Dealing With The Narcissists
So how do you have a relationship with a narcissist and still be happy? The short answer is: you don’t.
They will not change because they don’t see a problem with ANY of their actions. It will always be someone else’s fault or, more than likely, YOUR fault.
If you are talking to them about their behavior and are making valid points that they can’t dispute, they will find a way to turn it all back onto you.
Somehow you are the bad guy for having feelings and having a reaction to what they have done. And then that’s all they will focus on.
Or you might get, “Are you calling me a liar?” when you call them out on something. If you say that indeed you are calling them a liar then you are somehow in the wrong.
Oh they like to do that. The spinning of things until you are finally so confused you just want to drop the whole conversations just to make the nonsense stop.
And then you wonder, ARE you crazy? It sure feels that way.
Enough Is Enough
I had had enough of their behavior. It was spinning me in circles and I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I don’t even know how I got sucked into this situation in the first place.
Do you know what I did? I cut them off completely. That’s all you can do.
Sure they tried to sneak back in with their love bombs and saying how nice and wonderful I was. I knew what they were doing. They were trying to get me back into their clutches.
It didn’t work. I had to stand my ground. I didn’t respond to calls or text messages. I didn’t reply when they started getting nasty and talking crap about me behind my back.
I ignored the fact that they were trying to turn people against me. That hurt a bit but the people who really mattered saw right through it.
I took their names off of my phone, blocked them on social media, and (this was extreme but I needed a fresh start) moved out of the state, never to talk to them again.
Speaking With Silence
When I am done, I am DONE. Like I said, I give people a lot of chances to redeem themselves if they hurt me. More than I really should.
But if you push me to the point of cutting you off, there’s no coming back. If I have gotten to that point with you, consider yourself the problem because I have a very high tolerance for B.S.
By cutting these people off completely, they lost their power over me. Had I tried to tell them about my feelings or given them another chance, we’d be right back to where we were before.
My silence sent the message loud and clear. Whether they took it to heart, I really don’t care.
I couldn’t stand up to them using words. My silence spoke for me.