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Dear EX,

You’re probably surprised to hear from me since I haven’t spoken to you in about 10 years. A clean break is what I needed from you and it wouldn’t have done any good to contact you. You would have just continued your mind games and I can do without that in my life.

I thought being with you was probably the worst thing I had ever done in my life. Oh, it was pretty bad. We both know that. Obviously I couldn’t stick around.

I’d be dead right now if I had. Have you found a new punching bag? I hope not. I’d hate for another girl to go through what I did for those 8 years. Probably best if you stay single and alone.

As bad as it was, I just want to thank you for giving me some of the worst years of my adult life. I never saw it coming. I thought you loved me.

Luckily for you, I had no idea what love was supposed to look like so I let things go on for as long as I did. Your “love” was a bit fucked up wasn’t it?

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But thank you for showing me how I don’t want to be loved.

Thank you for showing me that love doesn’t involve one person controlling the other. It isn’t keeping her from her family and telling her who she is allowed to be friends with.

You could have let me talk to my family but you didn’t. Probably because you knew they would try to get me away from you.

Thank you for sexually assaulting me. Love doesn’t involve making someone do sexual acts that they do not want to do. Or withholding sex because you don’t get what you want. Or getting violent when the person says no.

Threatening to bash my head in with a hockey stick wasn’t exactly the way to go just because I wasn’t in the mood to give you a hand-job at 3 am when I had to work at 7 am.

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Thank you for not loving me as I am. Loving someone should include accepting them how they are and not trying to change them. You didn’t have to tell me how fat and ugly I was.

You didn’t have to beat me up just because I had an opinion that was different from you. I’m allowed to think and say what I feel.

Thank you for cracking my head open on the stairs. I still have the scar it left. That was a lot of blood, remember? Boy, you sure freaked out over something as small as me trying to use the computer without your permission.

What, you didn’t want me to try to talk to someone who could help me? You knew what you were doing was wrong.

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Thank you for the hell you put me through. I really do appreciate it.

You helped me grow so much as a person. I wouldn’t be the tough, bad ass bitch that I am today if it wasn’t for you giving me a reason to be.

Leaving you was one of the strongest things I have ever done in life. It has given me the confidence to know that I can do anything if I set my mind to it.

It made me realize that I don’t have to let people treat me like crap. I’m not a door mat. I can be respected for who I am.

So really, thank you for that hell you created for me. I came out the other side a much better person in the end. I doubt you would recognize me now.

No Love,

Jess

PS — Thank you for refusing to have kids with me. You did both of us a favor there.

Written by

Writer and mother. I try to keep it real because I’m not “loving every moment”. Follow me or email

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